Willingness to listen to another person's point of view

Even if you don't agree with them

I often get on better with people who I disagree with, than with people I agree with.

I can get irritated with them, it's true. However, afterwards something else seems to have happened. With some people I sense that they are willing to listen to another point view, even if they disagree with it. This is more important than whether I think they're right or wrong.

It feels like a light has been shone on the topics we have discussed. It's not that they have converted me to their point of view, although that can sometimes happen. They have been willing to spend time with me, talking about things that are important to us. This creates some valuable space, and sometimes it changes how I see things in unexpected ways.

I can get worked up about lots of things, such as reading people's opinions online. But it's a completely different matter having someone in front of me listening to what I have to say, explaining how they see things, taking responsibility for their opinions, and expecting me to do the same.

My nephew gets this, I'm pleased to say. He expressed it something like this—

We're not machines. When two people talk, it's not just an exchange of information. Something new happens between the two of you, that can change you both.

I've never been good at persuading people. When faced with someone who completely disagrees with me, if they are willing to talk, what can I do except listen to them, and give my own point of view?

I don't want to be completely relativist about this. Facts matter. Being right or wrong about things matters. You can still be convinced that you are right, while doing this. You don't have to give in to the other person, or expect them to be convinced by you either. But something can change; something has been shared between you.

I remember seeing a wall painting in the basilica of Santa Maria Assunta, Aquileia, Italy. It's in the area to the left of the altar (sorry I'm not good at architectural terms). It shows a group of people, maybe local saints, sitting together. I like to think they're just spending time discussing what's important to them, and that this was worth depicting centuries ago. Time well spent. I can't find an image of it, but here's a picture of the church as a whole. Very peaceful.